Posted: May 6, 2014 in Journal, Writing
noun: passion; plural noun: passions; noun: Passion; noun: the Passion
strong and barely controllable emotion.

At this point in my life, I want to sit back and decide… what is it that I really want to do? One hears so much hype about following your passion, it has become the mantra of many self-help authors and entrepreneurs and life coaches and would-be experts.

But what is passion? Does everyone have one? And how do you explore and find yours if you don’t know what it is?

Am I handicapped in some way since I am of a “certain age” and yet I have no f’ing idea what my passion is! I can never shake the feeling that I am born to do something grand… but I haven’t. I’ve lived a life where I flitted from one thing to the next, have I always been searching for what is my passion… even before it became a hot buzz word?

When someone listens to an accounting of my life, they respond with words like, “interesting, exciting, adventurous, brave… funny how when I think of my life, it was none of those things. Is it that I expect so much that nothing can quite live up to the hype?

I ask myself sometimes when I hear my self talk… “my goodness, I wouldn’t speak to my worst enemy in those terms.” Why am I so hard on myself? I used to think it was just me. I see people whom I believe to be successful, and for whom everything seems to come so easy. They have a clear path. They move along in from point A to point B achieving every goal seemingly effortlessly. Is this because they are doing what is their passion? Mark Cuban says What a bunch of BS. ”Follow Your Passion” is easily the worst advice you could ever give or get.

 “Don’t follow your passions, follow your effort. It will lead you to your passions and to success, however you define it.”
I think I like his definition the best. I have tried many things in my life.. I’ve been a student, a tennis player, Bartender, Meat Wrapper, Waitress, Lab Technician, Musician, Phlebotomist, Human Factors Engineer, Technical Writer, Ranch Manger, Personnel Assistant, small business creator… with the exception of the last, I followed through on every one of those jobs and became fairly proficient, enjoyed the work … but still somehow I found it lacking. I didn’t feel fulfilled.
So here we are at the present day. What will I do? Write? Start a Business? I just don’t know. What waits out there for me this time. I’ve never really taken the time to think about it before. A door opened and I went through. This is the first time in my life, at least that I can remember, that I am faced with the proposition of ferreting out that which will be meaningful to me. And I’m scared to death that I’ll never find it. Then what…

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